Dorito the Prince Pony.

This is a post about the weird things I used to pretend.  I know all kids are full of pretending but I wonder if most were as weird or morbid as me.  Please let me know where you and I compare on the weirdness scale.

I used to pretend I was a horse.  Now wait.  Not just "a horse."  There were at least three variations.  First, in third grade, I was "Dorito the prince pony."  I was the fastest girl in my class so I was automatically the one the other kids got to chase.  Being that all the other kids were my female friends, they wanted to chase a boy but since no boys wanted to play girl games, I got to be the "boy" that they would chase.  So I became "Dorito."  Why? One of the girls really liked Doritos.  So I pretended to be "Dorito" and I was a prince in disguise as a lonely little pony.  I was lonely because people didn't like me and didn't know I was a prince.  So they chased me.  When I got older, like fourth grade, I still wanted to pretend to be a horse so instead of maintaining my "Dorito" moniker, I switched to akwardly galloping everywhere and slapping my hands on my thighs making a gallop noise.  Come to think of it, I did this before I became Dorito.  I did it after I left Dorito behind.  God I was akward.  AND THEN, after I stopped pretending to be Dorito and after I stopped galloping around like an idiot, I would pretend that this winged horse would run alongside any car I happened to be riding in.  This winged horse would jump over the debris in the shoulder of the road and would occasionally fly over low-hanging tree branches.  My pretending only gets worse.

I used to pretend I was a werewolf.  Seriously.  I am Italian therefore I have nice thick, dark and bushy eyebrows.  I was a blond when I was little...I mean really toeheaded.  Do you remember that episode of Full House when Joey got called toeheaded and he thought it was an insult saying he looked like a toe? Or how about that Family Guy where Peter says Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a foot?  Well she does but it is not related to my story at all.  Just related to foot-looking commentary.  And I digress. 

So anyway, being a blond and having really dark bushy eyebrows that grew together in the middle made for a really beautiful 10 year old.  I didn't mention that my eyebrows grew together? Well they did and they do (or rather they would if I didn't get them threaded EVERY three weeks and pluck them EVERY day in between.  No joke).  So anyway, for some reason, I was trying to come up with an excuse for my eyebrows and I thought "werewolf" made sense.  So I pretended at recess that I could attack people and make them werewolves and I would tell kids to be careful becuase they wouldn't know when the werewolf would take over my body and attack. 

Similarly, I pretended I was a vampire.  This was way before all the Twilight craziness.  But just about the time Bradd Pitt and Tom Cruise made vampires look delicious.  So I wanted to be a vampire.  Is that so horrible? I think I even bit some people.  But only when I was provoked, of course.

I also used to pretend to be a dead German girl.  I know.  I said it got worse.  When I was little, I took German lessons for several years.  This meant that I had a rudimentary grasp of the German language when I was in elementary school which was more than any of my classmates.  I also had a Dirndl, which is a traditional German dress.  Well, I would put my Dirndl on and tell people (mostly this girl I didn't like) that I had died in World War II and returned as a ghost.  Then I would sing a song in German and maybe throw the German alphabet in for good measure and threaten to linger and do gastly and ghostly things.

I think that is enough about me and my weirdness.  For now.

A giveaway??!!

Am I so popular that I can afford to do a giveaway? Do I have sponsers that wish to bestow some goodies on a few loyal followers? Am I just awesome? The answer to at least one of those questions is a resounding YES! I can't tell you which one, of course.  But it is the last one.

So I do have something(s) I found recently and knew, just KNEW, that people would like to see arrive in their mailboxes.  I cannot tell you what these things are, only that they made me smile when I saw them and really wanted to pass the goodness on.  So without further ado, I would like to explain how I will choose which lucky people will get what I'm giving.

I have three things I want to give away.  That means three people have to comment on this post! That's it! That is the key to open the door to your potential giveaway success! You can post a song lyric, a joke, a Chinese proverb...I don't care! Simply post something (preferably witty) and I will pick the three best posts (best is highly subjective so be prepared to feel slighted, annoyed, cheated and miserable if you lose my gem of a prize!)

Why the giveaway now?  Well, I've had a lot of views but I only have 7 followers (thanks friends!) and I know more of you are reading my blog.   It's ok.   You can admit it.  One day you will thank me for writing my diddies.  I want to know who you all are.  I mean, I think I know who most of you are.  But for the random friends of friends, this means you too.  Please.   Make me feel special.

The more people that comment, obviously, the less of a chance you have of being one of the chosen three.  But that is ok.  If I get a lot of posts, I might even go out and buy more of the things I am talking about and mail them away too!  They are just too AWESOME not to share.