An Ode to Wal-Mart

My love picked out a birthday gift,
For me to have, my heart would it lift.
We went online
and both spent some time
and ordered what I wanted.

A camera is what was my present,
and what luck, it came with a pheasant.
Ok, I lied, no pheasant included.
But something else, for sure,
I would not be deluded.

Options, it said. You choose your bag.
Here are four choices, please don't lag.
Pick bag one or two or three or four,
you need a place for your camera to store.

So I chose bag one as it seemed nice.
I made my decision, I didn't think twice.
The camera arrived, and right on time too,
but I waited and waited,
the bag was in route.

At least that is what UPS said,
as did USPS, who'd taken the shipment instead.
Then Wal-Mart claimed the order'd been lost,
so they promised to send me a replacement, at cost.

Overnight, it would come,
to compensate for my time.
No charge for this service,
not even a dime.

Again I waited, less patient than before.
Every day I would look,
would it come to my door?
Another week went by, and no bag did arrive.
I was mad; I was sad; then went into overdrive.

Tried to talk to a human when I called Wal-Mart again,
I was transferred so often, my head started to spin.
I finally got a person and the answer I sought,
A new bag would be sent, this time,
so I thought...

But a bag did arrive, not three days later.
Almost two months had since passed,
but I was not yet a hater.

I opened the box, pulled the plastic apart,
saw my camera bag nestled, oh bestill my heart.
My camera I ran to, picked it up with great need.
I wanted it home, in its bag, and with speed
I unzippered the bag and wouldn't you know it?
The damn bag was too small.
I almost did vomit.

Wal-Mart will not remedy their error.
I warn you, fair shoppers,
shop there with terror.
I hate that damn place,
avoid it, I will.

To offer an item as a part of a bundle,
one would think it would fit,
would one not? Would one wonder?
A good deal comes at a cost, I now know.
I hate you damn Wal-Mart.
Go suck a toe.