My biggest fears.

Some people have labeled me paranoid.  Irrational.  Bat-shit crazy.  Since having a baby, my fears seem to have quadrupled or quadbillioned.  Growing up, my biggest fear was being stabbed in the foot with a fork.  Oh how things have changed. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I am still scared of being stabbed in the foot with any implement, be it a fork or a knife or even being attacked with a cheese grater.  Until very recently, as in last year recently, I could not face a pedicure.I have since overcome my fear of pedicures, but I still have some odd fears. 

I have some perfectly rational fears, like being in a plane crash, or being buried alive or losing my child.  I cannot bring myself to really go into the things I think about in regards to my child because anything I write would be too horrific to have to think about so I am going to just not write it. But I am more aware of my mortality and the mortality of those I love.  And it scares the shit out of me.

 I am afraid of nuclear holocost and having to eat people.  I am in the process of storing food and making a "go bag."  What foods am I storing, you ask? Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix and rotini.  Why these foods? Because I don't think things through and just buy things that are cheap and easy to make.  But Lauren, what if you don't have eggs or clean water after said nuclear holocost? What then?  I don't know.  But I will have muffin mix.

Now, the fear that inspired this blog post.  Last week I was in Macy's with my sister.  If you know us, you know that we are very, very tall.  When we go out together, or when I go anywhere with my husband, or any member of his family or any member of my family, it is like the tall freakshow comes to town.  We are all over 6', with the exception of my mother who is only 5'9 or so.  We don't notice it when we are together in private but when we go out, invariably there are hushed wispers about the height of our group.  When I go out alone, someone somewhere will comment about how tall I am.  Sometimes it is a comment or a question to my face, like "Oh my goodness,  you are so tall.  Do you play basketball/volleyball?" or "Are you a model" or "Where on earth do you find pants?"  While it is sometimes flattering, I go through times where I am terribly self-conscious about it.  A lot of times, I hear someone whisper right behind me "Oh my gosh...did you see that girl? She is so tall!" I could have it waaaaay worse but each person has their own struggles. This is one of mine.

Anyway, back to Macy's.  My sister an I were walking through the store and I just kept seeing tall women everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  And believe me.  I notice tall people.  The store was just full of women even taller than me. Since I was with my tall sister, we were attracting attention but I just could not believe how many other tall women were out.  So as we approached the jewelry counter, I saw these two tall women looking at the goods.  They were both in heels and both were taller than me and my sister.  I was about to ask my sister if I looked as freakishly tall as the two women I was staring at (I feel compelled to ask whomever I am with if I am as tall as whatever tall person I see) when they both turned around to talk to the clerk.  The two women were two MEN.  In drag.  They still had facial hair.  They weren't even trying. I have no problems or issues about guys who dress in drag, or transvestites or transgendered anyone.

But I certainly am terrified of being confused as one.

That is one of my biggest fears.  So now you know.