Princess pony parties.

This is my long-term plan for financial stability. You read it right.  Princess pony parties.  That's about all there is to say.  I will have princess ponies available for parties.  I will probably also have some other cute baby animals and various other activities that children love. I will provide this service for a reasonable fee, clean-up included (if I get a slice of the cake).  So that is it.  But Lauren? Do you have the experience and skills necessary to undertake such a business venture? Are you sure you are capable of wrangling cute baby animals into small cages for transport?  Why, indeed I do.

When I was 14 or 15, I got my first "real" job.  I'd been riding horses since I was 9 or so.  I rode for several years, competed a little, took a break, and started back again when I was in my teens.  I stopped for a while then too, starting back in college and then playing for a semester on the UGA Club Polo team.  I cannot play polo, in case you are wondering.  But I digress.

So when I was 14 or 15, I started working for this farm.  This farm had a petting zoo that we would take on the road.  We took all sorts of baby animals to birthday parties, county fairs, school fairs, and basically anywhere else that would pay.  We also had pony rides, face painting and probably ring toss games or something like that.  I did a little of it all. I was also damn good at face painting, if I do say so myself.  I remember when my thorny rose vine arm band "tattoo" was the hit of the Lula Days county festival.  I kid you not.  People lined up in the tens to have me paint that shit on their arms.  I made like $4 a painting, so I was basically rich.  Yes, I was pretty awesome.

When I was a little younger, I also helped my mom and a good family friend with her party business.  Although it wasn't a regular "gig", I did get paid to help out sometimes.  My mom was a clown named "Zippers."  Yes, that is about as creepy as a clown named "John Wayne Gacy" but Zippers was, in fact, her clown name.  Eww.  Can you just picture a creepy clown with zippers all over its body...opening into the skin and having a zipper instead of a mouth?  My mom was not that Zippers the clown.  Ahh! I found one!  And another! Ok that last one wasn't a zipper clown but HOLY lord above. How gross???! Now I'm giving myself the creeps.

So I would occasionally help out with this party business.  I got to take tickets when little kids went to bounce on the jumpy thing, usher children into lines to meet the clowns and, you guessed correctly, paint some faces.  And some arms.

So I am clearly experienced enough to run my own princess party business.  You'd hire me, right?  (insert image of scary clown now.)