Oh body of mine.

Do you know what it is like to sneeze and pee yourself at the same time?  In a skirt? While in Wal-Mart? With your baby brother?  I do.

Although this happened to me during my last pregnancy, and near the end of my last pregnancy when urinary control is overruled by the fat baby sitting inside you and resting on your bladder, the unfortunate part of birthing a baby through your lady parts means that you will likely have bladder control issues.  Maybe even forever.  Now I have barely started into that "forever".  I had my first baby a mere 18  months ago.  But since that time, I can barely laugh without a little tinkle.  I certainly cannot sneeze without one.

"Well did you do kegles?" Are you kidding? Recall that I had a natural waterbirth.  If part of my "training" to handle that whole process didn't include kegles (and perineal massage* and hypnoborthing) then I might say that my midwife did not do a good job of further indoctrinating me into the joys of a drug free birth experience.  Yes, I did kegles.  Yes, I did them a lot.  Did they help? I don't know.  How much do other women pee themselves when they sneeze? Maybe I pee less.  But I don't know.  It is not something that women talk a lot about.  I do know that I have to literally cross my legs to help keep myself dry.  This awkwardness even happens when I don't even have to pee.  You read that right.  You can pee yourself even when you don't have to pee.

Over time, I felt like I had established a better control over my bladder.  Could one expect to have perfect control of all bodily functions "down there" right after birthing a baby?  I certainly didn't. But I also didn't expect that it would take months and months and months to gain back the control that I'd exhibited before.  And it's not like I was peeing buckets with every sneeze, but a trickle here and there is terribly annoying and uncomfortable.  But now that I am pregnant again, it has begun again.  And much earlier than before.  I am only a mere 14 weeks and already this baby seems to hate living next to a full (or not so full) bladder.  The baby wants to make sure that the only liquid inside is amniotic fluid.  I don't blame baby.  I know what it is like to have pee where you don't want it.


*Note: I was unsuccessful with the perineal massage.  As it appears I was also unsuccessful with Kegles.